This is ridiculous!

What happened to the news this summer? Has it always been this terrible? I don't ever remember the headlines being so obnoxious. After the election ended I thought we'd be in store for more interesting news.

First, we have the swine flu, and everybody freaks-the-fuck out. Huntsville practically shut down for three days because four people got the swine flu. Hasn't anyone ever had taco night before? A little diarrhea probably won't kill you.

Then Michael Jackson dies. Dolphins evolve opposable thumbs and invade New Zealand but nobody notices because we've all gone ape-shit over the death of a man most of us never really respected when he was alive. Half the headlines on my CNN newsfeed were regarding Michael Jackson, most of which were frivolous. Sure, report about his career and his memorial service. Report on the twitter and facebook statuses regarding Michael Jackson? That is the precise moment when we should have realized there's nothing more to report. I hope Eric Clapton gets this much attention when he kicks the bucket.

Now we have this Gates/Crowley debacle. This is what I gathered from the very first article: Gates is a douche bag, Crowley is a douche bag. I've never seen so many headlines about a misdemeanor arrest. At the end of the article I thought "That's it?" and I moved on. America should too. The only person in this situation, President Obama included, who didn't seem to make any mistakes is the lady who placed the 911 call. Good for her, keeping an eye out on a neighbor's home. I refuse to click on any more headlines regarding this story or regarding Michael Jackson. It'd be like the time I accidentally clicked on the Avril Lavigne YouTube video and felt guilty for giving it another view.

Meanwhile, the dolphin overloads contract swine flu and New Zealand is liberated, but no one notices because the new iPhone is released.